There's a poetic expression that I came across recently that says that sometimes, depression is undiagnosed homesickness. That feeling that you're not quite right and uncomfortable in your own skin. An inescapable sense that you're not where you're supposed to be. Days feeling like you're a character cut and pasted into a different novel written by a different author and involved in an alternate plot. You don't have the energy to get out of bed, the drive to push through to the next step in a project and find it hard to find empathy for others.

Friend, if that's you, please get in touch with a professional psychologist or your family doctor if you're fortunate enough to have one. I have.

Is your story that unique? I don't think so. We all get snared up, and stuck in our current situations. Often, we take on jobs that put food on the table keep the lightbulbs on. Employment that allows us to go on vacation for two weeks out of the year. We all appreciate "The Known" even if our relationship with The Known seems one-sided. The kind where you feel like you're doing all the work with little reward. The Known doesn't care about what we could do, or our potential. That's not its job. Its responsibility is to keep you alive while you're awake. It doesn't care about your dreams.

It may be time to move on. Time to pursue the things that fire you up and get you excited. Play the music you want to play!

But, what do we do when we feel like a pianist sitting in front of a drum set? How do we move forward in these awkward and uncomfortable stages of life when we feel out of place? The ultimate conductor of life has placed music before you, so make music. A pianist may not fully understand the snare, bass drum, and symbols, but they know the principles of music. That's where you start. Go with what you know, and get better. Go with your values.

On the other hand, that ever-present tension could mean that you have the highest of aspirations. That's not a bad thing.

I'm a proud Canadian, but ultimately, as a person of faith, I believe I'm a citizen of heaven.

Spiritually speaking, Where I'm from, Lions lie down with lambs; kids have cobras as play companions.

”…In that day the wolf and the lamb will live together; the leopard will lie down with the baby goat. The calf and the yearling will be safe with the lion, and a little child will lead them all.”

“…The baby will play safely near the hole of a cobra.
    Yes, a little child will put its hand in a nest of deadly snakes without harm.”

My soul is tethered to a reality where challenge exists in the world without the threat of predators. Until the world is in harmony, I'll feel homesick. You don't have to be religious to feel that pull to that same north star.

I can accept that happiness is not a guaranteed quality of every moment, nor do I believe it's an entitlement of any workplace. But we can all hope and move towards something better even without a complete resolution of conflict.

God calls us all to an Exodus. Away from Empires to the wilderness so we can learn to hear his voice and discover a better way to live. The Exodus is a lifelong process. We are not meant to build fortresses over spaces that we conquer. Instead, we briefly camp by beautiful landscapes and appreciate them briefly before packing up again. If you’re familiar with the story of Exodus, you’ll know that there’s no direct map to the promised land. There’s a lot of wandering.

That itch you feel.

That feeling of not being settled.

It could be an inner beacon calling you forward to a much better story. Something much better than you could ever imagine.

Keep walking my friend.