Insoucism
"n. The inability to decide how much sympathy your situation deserves, knowing that so many people have it far worse and others far better, that some people would need years of therapy to overcome what you have, while others would barely think to mention it in their diary that day."
Insoucism, I love this word. It's not a real word, but it's a word that John Koenig wrote in the "Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows," an excellent book that's been fun to read. This word gives voice to an ongoing internal tension of mine. I occasionally wrestle with how much attention my pain deserves? I don't think I'm alone in this.
When the doctor asks me, "On a scale of 1-10, where are you in terms of pain?" I struggle to find an answer; in my head, I'm thinking, "relative to what? I have no idea what it's like to be inside your skin. My 7 on the pain scale could be a 3 for you; you look pretty tough." So, on the one hand, I'm looking for a solution to whatever is hurting me at the moment, and on the other, I don't want anyone spending more resources on me than I deserve.
I haven't come to a firm answer on this, but I have decided on a direction.
If you're hurting, it's ok to say so. If someone else is hurting, give them the space to say so. Let the trust in any relationship fill the gap of misunderstanding. Agonizing over how to articulate our pain properly is likely causing us more harm than good.
Friend, thank you for reading, take care of yourself!
P.S I am really looking forward to next week’s post! It’s going to be fun!