Workplace Wounds
Think about all of the workplace hazards you might encounter at work today. If you work in construction, you could step on a nail or trip on something that sends you flying. If you work at a desk, you'll likely get lower back pain if you don't stay active throughout the day. A good workplace will have an Occupational Health and Safety Hazard Identification form highlighting things that can hurt you at work. The paper will list what can hurt you, the severity of the injury, and the likelihood of it happening to you. The idea behind it is to help you avoid a cut, broken bone, or any other kind of workplace trauma.
I've looked at a number of these forms, and there is one injury that's never noted.
Workplace Betrayal.
It's an injury that can happen to anyone. It’s also an injury that doesn’t have a caution sign to post in an office to warn people about.
It happens when your boss fails to protect you from a client who's out of line or when a coworker turns on you and misrepresents your performance. Or maybe you work for a company with "family" listed as a corporate value that lays you off. Strange, isn't it? When did you last lay off one of your family members when times got tough?
"Don't take it personally, it's just business." is the common refrain to any song of workplace disappointment. It's a dissonant chorus to listen to. Especially if you love what you do, care about the people you work with, and come to work trusting that it's a safe workplace. Betrayal wouldn't be so bad if you didn't care.
But you do…
I'm not a psychologist, I'm just a guy on the internet, but I've learned a few things about workplace betrayal.
1) Trauma is trauma. The body does not recognize severity. This was something a counselor once told me, and it rings true. If you were betrayed at work, it's ok to admit you were hurt. You may not have experienced something as physically traumatic as having a tractor roll across your foot, but being let go unexpectedly will stick with you for some time. There's nothing wrong with admitting that you were hurt.
2) Keep walking. You have to keep moving forward in your life. That may mean starting up with a fresh group of strangers in a new workplace. Walking into a new lunchroom as a new person is always hard. When you do, assume the best about our new coworkers and give them your trust, dedication, and care. That outlook doesn't make you weak or naive; It’s strength. That is easier said than done, but you don't want to miss out on the potential of having an incredible new chapter in your career. Don’t spoil the opportunity by being overly guarded and cynical.
3) Make a practice of forgiving the people who have betrayed you. This is a battle that is going to be played out in your head. When you feel anger and resentment rise when that someone's face comes to mind, say to yourself, "I can't keep investing this kind of emotional energy into that situation. I'm not going to get an apology for what they did, but I need to move on." My experience is that you'll have to do this multiple times until one day, you realize you have moved on. The hurt will no longer have the current power over you that it does in the present moment. I'm not the first person to note this, but the odds are that the person that hurt you at work doesn't think about you...at all. Don't let them live rent-free in your head.
4) Have some grace. The world isn't entirely full of uncaring psychopaths but is filled with human beings who make mistakes. The world is also full of people who were placed in a no-win situation, and unfortunately, you were hurt unintentionally. In my own life, I’ve also had to remind myself that I've also made mistakes. That's a real thing. I also have a list of people in my mind that I've hurt unintentionally. I've also been placed in no-win scenarios where no one came out ahead. Good leaders hate disappointing the people they lead, and most seek out win-win situations. Unfortunately, those kinds of situations are rare in challenging times. At some point, you’ll be placed in a no-win scenario, and someone else will be hurt more than you. This has helped temper and add balance to my perspective on my own career. There are bad apples out there, but most people are trying to do their best.
5) Use the pain. Use your past experiences of betrayal to prevent someone else from getting hurt. You have an extraordinary opportunity to make a difference in someone else's life and career by intervening before you see someone else scarred emotionally at work. You can play a part in building a healthy culture wherever you work. This week, I came across a quote that articulated how I feel about my current opportunities to make a difference at work.
"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I need to be."- Douglas Adams
You are where you are at this time in your life for a reason; make a difference.
I take business personally. The moments in my career, when I wasn't wanted on a team or felt alone and friendless were the worst. I never want to experience these things again. It's tempting to go to work and shut your heart off to others around you. That way, it doesn't hurt as much when things go south. I think that's normal. The only people who don't fear betrayal are psychopaths. Again, I'm not a psychologist...I can't actually diagnose someone as a psychopath, but you know what I mean! Stay engaged in work, and in some ways, yes! Make it personal.
There are a lot of great places to work; if you haven't found one yet, you will. There's a legitimate hunger among leaders who want to create safe work environments. Not just physically but emotionally as well. Don't let a bad experience rob you of the opportunity of being a part of a great work community.
Friend, thank you for reading and I hope this was encouraging. Please feel free to share this with someone who might need this.